When I was first diagnosed my doctor told me I was lucky
because I had the “good cancer.” The surgeon told my husband that I was “unlikely
to die.” Throughout this journey I have been on many different web sites as I
have researched and tried to learn more about thyroid cancer. One woman who was
told she had the “good cancer” felt that no doctor should tell someone that
they have a good cancer, that instead they should tell them that they are
unlikely to die. On another site a person complained about being told that they
were unlikely to die and wished instead that her doctor had simply reassured
her that she had the good cancer. It seems that no matter what our doctors say
that they can’t win.
I’ll admit that I have had struggles with the label of “good
cancer.” I know how lucky I am to have a highly curable, easily treatable
cancer. On the other hand I have CANCER! The last month in our house has been
consumed by the fact that I have cancer. I had a surgery, I have been
exhausted, I have had another hospital
stay, I have not been allowed to touch my husband and children, I have not been
allowed to prepare food. Did I mention the exhaustion? Cancer has affected our
daily lives in a profound and significant way. It has frightened my kids. So
yes, when I hear someone say that I’m lucky because I have the good cancer I
get a little cranky.
Of course when folks take the cancer too seriously I don’t
like that either. Extend too much sympathy and I’ll quickly remind you that I
am not dying because I have the “good cancer.” We are still figuring out how to
balance the seriousness of cancer with the reality that this particular kind of
cancer is rarely life-threatening. It’s
a tricky tightrope walk and I don’t want to lean too far either way. I have the
hope of a cancer free future but the reality that I will have to have tests for
recurrence for the rest of my life. I have the joy of a relatively short
treatment time with the reality that in that short treatment time my kids
experienced a lot of sadness and insecurity and that my husband ran like an
energizer bunny to keep up with all that we had going on in our life.
I’m not crazy about hearing “it’s the good cancer,” I
didn’t like being told that I was “unlikely to die,” I don’t want too much
sympathy…So, what do I want? Well, I’d love to not have cancer. I think that is
what it boils down to. In all that I have read on the internet and what I have
felt this month, I have realized that no one will be able to say quite the
right thing because they can’t take away this diagnosis of thyroid cancer and
they can’t give me this last month of my life back. So, the best I can do is to
acknowledge that this has been hard, very hard and remember how grateful and
lucky I am to have the “good cancer.”
2 comments:
Dear Amy, I admire your honesty with yourself and others. People may say different things to you because they don't know what to say.. But thanks for writing this blog. It really helps everyone who follows it to be at least a little bit more aware of the reality of what you are going through. And maybe we will be more sensitive in choosing what to say and what not to say to others going through tough times in their lives. Blessing and love to you and yours, Gina
Thanks Gina, it's always hard to know what to say to people and this experience made me understand that a little better now that I am on the other side of things. It's taught me to be gracious and understanding and thankful when someone reaches out,even if they don't say the "perfect thing."
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